R.R.

neurotic

i know that celtic frost are still pretty active, well not as a band (after their split in summer) but as BAR OWNERS and KARAOKE SHOW HOSTS in beautiful Zurich. You should actually come over pretty soon. well, first I’m comming to your show tomorrow. can’t wait! ahoy

cardinalcave:

i think i am neurotic

i spend too much time alone. whatever

now i am back home. Back requiem kickin on my jambox and i am gonna eat some more lentil soup and maybe i dunno make more tea.

what a trip today is in general 

i dunno if i feel great you know but i don’t feel like i am dying- my head is splitting

had some aspirin and that helped

whatever

i wonder what Celtic Frost are doing right now,

what if Fergie is doing a duet with Celtic Frost right now

maybe ill nap

gonna set an alarm and then do the secret electric gig

maybe tonight i will get to go buy the record

i kinda can’t wait to hear it

people seem to like it

i wonder what it sounds like mastered

they were playing sink ships at Murray’s this rad bagel shop i love yesterday

i asked them how it was playing and they said satellite radio

but i kinda thought that was how radio worked

maybe i dunno how stuff works

ugh

got to nap

nap

then brussel sprouts and lentil soup then jams

ltr

R

>

“raise a toast to saint joe strummer!…

…he could have been our only decent teacher!”

oh my oh my! what a verse! indeed, when i was on that train to the airport and passed by all these old docks I somehow felt how he would have teached us, what life’s really all about! why am I still nervous about the test tomorrow? does it really matter? oh fuck it, if I fail, new roads will lead my way to where I’ll be then. I mean, all I really have to do is trying harder to do what I wanna do!

we could all be something bigger, so let’s not just talk about it, let’s really do something bigger, greater, something unexpected, something we actually WANT to do. aren’t we just all only tiny species with 80 years to spend. should we really waste this time in doing something we don’t really feel happy about? but honestly, the satisfaction I get when I pass something I am not a 100% into, is a good reason to continue, well at least for another 10 months!

there’s this singer!

it’s a singer who created a melody! that melody follows me to wherever I go!

this melody appears when I almost forgot the fact that this melody still exists.

it’s a beautiful melody!

my new favorite band uses this melody as well.

my english is so incredibly bad. I’d better sell pretzels in prüssel!

or fondue in montreuuux. or bananas in alabama!

well at least i should not sit here and waste my time… ‘cause i got tons of shit to do, no, not litterally shit, but you know, shit!

ok, i stop…. but I wish you were queen!

you gotta stay positive!

this new album is just what I needed!

finally after 24 days listening to señor adams 24 hours a day i have something new to discover!

normally something strikes me hard at the very beginning or it needs some time to become something great.

this new record is something in between.

somehow hollow, but still full of everything.

well, now I gotta stay positive!

and by the way “in barlight, she looked alright”.

thanks to my followers who don’t exist!

I really appreciate your awareness!

talk idiot talk…

today I realized that I often defended myself instead of talking/listening to my opposite. On the surface I tried to deny my own guilt. it took me over 6 years!
i know that sounds like a long time in my young life, but to me it feels like it all started the day before yesterday. have I always been like this? was there a time I changed the way I was, the way I am now?
Did my studies change the way I confronted other people? No, it can’t be, because it all started before I made my decision to get stuck where I am now. I am nowhere but nevertheless too far to go back, to blow it off! Was it the right choice? Was the choice evident? is it now?

All I know is that I have to intend my actions from now on after I really thought about what I am supposed to do! No more “let’s try it, it seems to be the right thing”, I need more of the “I check it out and if i like it I’ll start it!” attitude!

Although if I always had acted that way, I wouldn’t be where I am now, stuck in nowhere but still somehow content with who I am and what I have done so far. The fact, that I came through it all gives me selfconfidence and security. Although I don’t really know if I should really do it, I can still bring up that effort that is needed to stand it through, can I?

As well I am very sure about the other person, the one that I want to be the most important one. she’s exactly who I was looking for and I she appeared in times I already gave up the search. Out of nothing, she made my last 18months. But it wasn’t easy! Not because of her, not because of myself, no, because of the fact that there’s a distance that keeps us apart. No, it’s not a distance in a methaphoric way, no, a distance in a way for miles!

well, in some weird & particular way, everything seems to put itself in its place and seems to work out just fine. Even the fact that after 6 years of ignoring that I was behaveing unfairly towards others, I finally realized that I actually was cheating on myself, was I? Honesty can be correct on the outside, but it has to be truthful on the inside! I think I learned an important lesson.